Forgive: Why should I and how can I? (part 2)
Book Review (Timothy Keller)
This is part 2 of a three-part review of Keller’s new book on Forgiveness. You can read part 1 here.
The second half of this book gets more practical, if you were wondering. It moves from broader theological and cultural strokes, to more specific theological points, and then practices of forgiveness and reconciliation.
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In moving to think about the practice and practicalities, Keller takes this chapter to look at two "directives" of Jesus, which appear to work in opposing directions. These are Mark 11:25
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
And Luke 17:4-5
“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”
The first verse seems to pushes us towards an immediate cheap-grace, with no justice nor repentance nor reckoning for the perpetrator, but the second verse gives us a different responsibility: to confront and rebuke.
The "so that" of Mark 11 should be understood not as a cause, but as a sign:
to be unforgiving reveals that you have failed to understand and accept God’s unmerited grace yourself. (p 104.)
But the verse itself pushes us towards forgiveness, built upon
The humility that comes from admitting your lostness and the joy that comes from knowing your acceptance in Christ are simply absent. (p. 104)
By putting these two verses and concepts into conversation with each other (as we must!), we see that forgiveness isn't just therapeutic, the old "forgiveness isn't about them, it's about you", nor is it devoid of justice, "but the ultimate purpose of forgiveness is the restoration of community." (p. 105).
The two verses are mapped out through the rest of this chapter in terms of inward or attitudinal forgiveness, and outward or reconciled forgiveness. The former is the change of heart that I must have to a wrongdoer, is internal, does not depend upon the other party, but nonetheless "wants and seeks reconciliation even if the offender does not." (p. 107). And in doing so, in changing my attitude inwardly, I go from desiring vengeance to love - desiring the good of the other. I think this is a point where Keller shines, because if I desire the good of the other party, this is love expressed in justice, because it means bringing them to confront their own sin and to renounce evil.
since doing justice is at its essence loving your neighbors enough to want them to be freed from the evil at work in their hearts, then it is possible to pursue both justice and forgiveness, to renounce revenge and still pursue justice for the good of all, not for your own emotional satisfaction. (p. 108).
I've spent long enough on this chapter, so I'll just say here that Keller goes on to explore texts about non-retaliation and love for enemies here, and how this revolutionises us. Forgiveness can be extended not just to those we loved before, but to those we have not loved and who in fact hate us.
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Here we move on to "Our Need for Forgiveness", and it's a shift to a slightly more theological tone. We walk through the Joseph narrative and see resources: (a) the humility of recognising our own status before God as sinners, moves us from acting as judge over others, (b) the joy of knowing God's love and forgiveness for us gives us a security that makes forgiveness possible, and (c) these make it possible to repay evil with good. All this is grounded in the costliness of God's forgiveness, which is once more seen in Jesus' death.
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If our need for forgiveness is part and parcel of the root of our forgiveness of others, how do we receive forgiveness from God? Chapter 9 begins by distinguishing carefully and pastorally real guilt, from feelings of guilt, and then working through Psalm 51 as a model for dealing with guilt. In short: we reject the false repentances of blame-shifting, self-pity, and self-flagellation; we fully confess our sin, and utterly forsake it; and finally we receive forgiveness in confidence.
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If we have recognised and accepted our own need for forgiveness, and then received that forgiveness from God, we are now in a place to talk about how to grant forgiveness, and this chapter is about the resources and inner practices that make forgiveness possible. I'll be honest, I cried twice while reading this chapter:
The chapter starts off with a consideration of why we need to live a life of forgiveness, by looking at Heb 12:15
“See to it that . . . no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.”
When we don't practice forgiveness, we hold on to anger and keep trying to make others pay, and this over time warps and twists us, affecting and distorting our own lives. So forgiveness is not only for the good of others, but is itself a practice of virtue in and of ourselves.
Keller then turns to 3 parts of internal forgiveness, building off Luke 17.
Firstly identifying with the wrongdoer: when others do us wrong, we tend to reduce them to one-dimension and see their sin and nothing but, while we see ourselves in three-dimensions and cherish our (self-)righteousness. We must learn, however, to "realise you are a co-sinner and they are co-humans" (drawing on Volf), to include them in the circle of humanity, and us in the circle of wrong-doers. Only this solidarity allows us to treat them with the mercy needed.
Secondly, inwardly paying the debt of the wrongdoer yourself. Wrongdoing creates a debt, and someone must pay; forgiveness involves the choice and the cost to pay that debt, to absorb that hurt, rather than extract it from the perpetrator. What I appreciated here is the way that Keller explores two further dimensions of this. He gives an example from Dan Hamilton of "paying down the debt over time" - acting to forgive verbally initially, and then all the small, interior, internal 'costs' of that forgiveness over time. Then Keller turns to how this notion of absorbing the cost rejects and refutes common misunderstandings of forgiveness : excusing, denying, only refraining from active revenge, holding it over someone's head, condescending mercy, abandoning justice, and regranting immediate trust. I think all of these are temptations, and some of them are those that I feel at work in my own heart.
Thirdly, willing the good of the wrongdoer. This might seem excessive to some, if you think forgiveness is just "getting back to zero", but the love of Jesus even for those who are putting him to death is the model of genuine other-love that desires their good, and this is the kind of love that is called for in forgiveness. If the other two are in place properly, then we are free to both genuinely desire, and actively work, for their good. If you seek vengeance, that's about you; but also
complete withdrawal is about you as well. Many people, when they’re wronged, say, “I don’t want to deal with that person. I just don’t want to talk to them. I don’t want to have anything to do with them.” But when someone wrongs you, if you resent them on the inside but stay courteously mute on the outside, you are the opposite of a disciple of Christ. (p. 171)
The chapter moves on to talk through some daily disciplines - how to teach and encourage your heart to soften and forgive. Keller provides a kind of a check-list of the ways in which we internally and emotionally try to punish others for their wrong, and how to guard against these in ourselves, followed by advice on positive steps to take in letting go of sins and actively seeking their good.
We then circle back around to humility and spiritual wealth, as twin resources that enable forgiveness, before turning to the possibilities of forgiveness and the powerful story of Corrie ten Boom and her forgiveness of a guard at Ravensbrück (this was the second place in the chapter I cried). Keller's book isn’t over-burdened with too many stories of powerful forgiveness, but it has a good selection, each chosen for a point it adds to the argument.
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So, I was going to write a 2-part review, but I have turned it into 3. Partly I just have more to say. Partly, as I read chapter 10 I couldn't help but reflect more deeply on the friend I mentioned at the start of part 1. As I read the descriptions of failures to forgive in this chapter, I recognise some of their behaviours, and feel again the pain of that situation, as well as grieve for them because I desire their good, and fear for the bitterness in their heart. Even more than that, though, I realised more deeply that as much as I desire their forgiveness, I need myself to keep at the work of forgiving them, including for the ongoing hurt they are causing now. And I see the temptations in my own heart to allow bitterness to arise and to want some kind of emotional satisfaction and retribution. So my part involves an ongoing work of finding the spiritual resources to internally forgive, and hope for external reconciliation.